Susan Murphy is a SMART Recovery meeting facilitator in Flemington, NJ, and a recovery advocate from New Hope, PA.
Words matter. The stories we tell ourselves matter. How we narrate matters.
Here is an embarrassing story. I ate cookies for breakfast. I was obsessing this morning over not getting something I really really REALLY wanted. I found it hard to shift my focus. (But then again, I barely tried. I almost seemed to enjoy reveling in my mood. What’s up with that?) My mind started racing more.
I went to brush my teeth, and put sunscreen on my face prior to walking my dogs. I looked in the mirror and this stupid little poem popped in my head:
Put the sunscreen on my face
You are a disgrace!
I then stopped myself cold, seeing my reflection in the mirror, and realized in a very quick moment that allowing myself to be run by this negative narrative went against my values. I stood there, and paused for a moment. I then consciously changed my silly poem to:
Put the sunscreen on my face
You have grace
I paused to let it in. I saw in that moment, how the shift in words gave me a whole different feeling and direction in my body. Yes, when we talk to ourselves, the brain listens. A simple pause, a truth, and a shift in direction happened. Yes, and I can chose words that move me in the direction of my values.
I leashed the dogs up and went outside. While I walked, on this cold and beautiful day, I still had quiet echos of ruminating going on in my mind. By capturing the word and the feeling of grace I was better able to put my attention on the present. The ruminating (it was over my offer not being accepted for a “dream” home I wanted) changed to disappointment. I then put my attention on recalling what I am grateful for, and setting simple goals for getting back to focus on the day, a day of possibility, in front of me.
