Common Self-Defeating Attitudes and Fears
- “It would be terrible to be rejected, abandoned, or alone. I must have love and approval
before I can feel good about myself.” - “If someone criticizes me, it means there’s something wrong with me.”
- “I must always please people and live up to everyone’s expectations.”
- “I am basically defective and inferior to other people.”
- “Older people are to blame for my problems.”
- “The world should always meet my expectations.”
- ‘Other people should always meet my expectations.”
- “If I worry or feel bad about a situation, it will somehow make things better. It’s not really safe to feel happy and optimistic.”
- “I’m hopeless and bound to feel depressed forever because the problems in my life are impossible to solve.”
- “I must always be perfect.” There are several kinds of perfectionism that can make you unhappy.
Moralistic perfectionism: ‘I must not forgive myself if I have fallen short of any goal or personal standard.”
Performance perfectionism: To be a worthwhile person. I must be a great success at everything I do.”
Identity perfectionism: “People will never accept me as a flawed and vulnerable human being.”
Emotional perfectionism: “I must always try to be happy. I must control my negative emotions and never feel anxious or depressed.”
Romantic perfectionism: “People who love each other should never fight or feel angry with each other.”
Relationship perfectionism: “People who love each other should never fight or feel angry with each other.”
Sexual perfectionism: Men may believe “I should always have full and sustained erections. It’s shameful and unmanly if I have an episode of impotence or cum too quickly.” Women may believe “I should always achieve orgasm or multiple orgasms.”
Appearance perfectionism: ‘l look ugly because I’m slightly overweight (or have heavy thighs or a facial blemish).”