By Robert Parkinson, MSW
You made it through recovery treatment. You were doing well staying stopped on your drinking. And then one night, a coworker asks you to grab a drink after work. “Just one drink.” It can’t hurt, you tell yourself. That’s the last thing you remember when you wake up in the hospital the next morning.
A relapse (“lapse,” “slip,” “setback”) is one of the most frustrating, humiliating experiences you can face in recovery from any problem habit. It leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed and tempted to throw in the towel and just keep acting out on the addiction. Unfortunately, relapse is also common. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, 40 to 60 percent of people who go through addiction treatment programs go on to slip at least once. In fact, many people have multiple setbacks before finally achieving a full recovery.
You can take some comfort in knowing relapse is common. But how do you handle it? Here are some tips:
Brace yourself. For many after a setback, a person’s guilt, shame and humiliation come back tenfold. Prepare yourself for these feelings. Commit to use them as motivation to get back on track rather than as an excuse to hide away in disgrace, if you do slip.
Get support. Whether you just sobered up after a brief lapse or you are in the middle of a longer relapse, you should consider contacting your addiction counselor, recovery coach, or other recovery accountability supporter to schedule a face-to-face meeting. Prepare yourself for a difficult conversation; admitting you slipped up will be difficult and humbling. If you can’t bring yourself to meet in person, make a phone call or send an email or text. The important part is to reestablish contact and let them know you’re struggling.
Call on loved ones. This step may be particularly tough, especially if you’ve hurt your friends and family members with your addiction in the past. But support from the most important people in your life is critically important if you want to recover for good. When you approach loved ones, do so honestly and make sure you intend to go through with whatever you promise to do.
Consider returning to treatment. Whether or not you should return to treatment will depend on the severity of your lapse and the circumstances surrounding it. If the relapse consisted of a few hours or a few days, you may be able to veer back to your recovery path somewhat seamlessly. If you went on a multiple week-long bender, another round of treatment may be in order. Just like every addiction story is different, so is the path to recovery. Some treatment providers and facilities offer aftercare services as part of the original treatment plan, or free counseling for a period following the initial treatment time.
Think of relapse as a stepping stone. Instead of viewing your slip as a step backward, think of it as a progression on your road to recovery. Many people lapse or relapse, and if you think of each attempt at sobriety as a means of getting closer to your end goal — a lesson in your cumulative recovery learning, so to speak — this setback won’t be in vain.
But try not to get trapped in a revolving door. While recovering from addictive behavior, some people get caught in a pattern of repeated relapse and rehab, a phenomenon sometimes called “revolving door syndrome.” In most cases of revolving door syndrome, the person isn’t fully (or consistently) committed to a sober life, which makes going back to the substance or behavior of choice seem too tempting to resist. This cycle of repeated relapse is dangerous because it takes a toll on the individual’s health (physical and mental), sense of self-worth, and whatever healthy, positive relationships remain in his or her life. Although repeated slips can be a normal part of recovery for some, ongoing relapse and rehab can become a compulsive pattern of its own and make it even more difficult to successfully stay sober long-term.
Look on the bright side. A slip may feel like the end of the world, but really, it’s an opportunity for growth and reinforcing basic life skills that need more work. Many people emerge from relapse with a fresh scare regarding what they are up against, as well as a deeper commitment to becoming sober. This renewed motivation can help you come back from a relapse even stronger than you were before.
Looking for More Information?
If you’d like to read more about creating a relapse prevention plan, please continue reading this article: How to Deal with Backsliding. Once you’ve finished reading, we encourage you to search for a meeting near you and/or join our online community where we have daily online meetings and 24×7 message boards and chat rooms.
Thanks
This gives me hope knowing i have steps to get me back on track after a relapse
So glad that this information was helpful for you. Please join us for an in-person or online meeting for if you’re looking for more support.
I can’t stand my self for relapsing
After 3y of sobriety I feel like a loser. And my family really makes me feel more of a loser.
Thanks for reaching out, Dee. We invite you to be part of our online community, SMART Recovery Online (SROL) at https://smartwww.wpengine.com/community/
We also offer local mutual-support meetings, searchable here:
https://www.smartrecoverytest.org/local/
Our team at information@smartrecovery.org can provide additional information.
I just got 8 days sober from a month relapse. The guilt made it hard to come clean about it but I’m already so much happier. I’m not giving up.
I relapsed. How do I come back stronger?
I relapsed 3 days ago and feel hopeless.
Hello Dee,
You can find support in a meeting. To find one, go to http://www.smartrecovery.org/community
Well im in the middle of a relapse after 2 months. I knew it was coming! it feels good now ive stopped crying. My husband gave me such a hard time!!! im already feeling bad enough.. geesh i really appreciate these inspirational words.. there’s hope for me!
I hope your right:)
Similar situation. My husband too Threatening to leave me and said I was so weak. I was nearly 4 mths sober and relapsed this week. I had already feel terrible enough too.
I just had a small relapse on the weekend and my husband has treated me like a criminal and made me feel absolutely horrible. I feel bad enough as it is!
Just blew 9 months which may not be very long to some but it’s the longest I’ve ever had. I got high for a couple days and now have about 48 hours away from it but I cant bring myself to call my sponsor or my clean crew.
A few months ago I broke my arm a used a few painkillers but this is not the relapse. About 2 weeks after that 4 of my teeth accessed and my mother offered me another medicine despite knowing it could possibly have an impact on my clean time. This was in the beginning of July, I got the teeth removed in the last week of July but having been using ever since. A little more than 2 years of sobriety/clean time is lost. I am so ashamed and depressed. I can’t go back to treatment but am so confused on how to detox successfully at home, especially with my kids here. They do not know what exactly is going on but I think my 14 year old has a clue. I have friends in the program I could call but I know my shame is holding me back.
Don’t worry about them, worry about you right now. Then when you have your self under control, you can get with that person. Good luck, there are people out there rooting for you! You can do it. Stay around positive people and people going places!
When people come down on you they need there own personal therapy as it is an underestimated undereducated disease that has ruined half of American families
Thank you!
I have spent many years trying to get sober. I’m beginning to think I will never do it. Sometimes I go months then other times days and I just loose interest. ????
Hello Julie,
SMART Recovery is here to provide the tools and resources needed for recovery. To find a meeting, go to http://www.smartrecovery.org/community and for tools, go to https://smartwww.wpengine.com/smart-recovery-toolbox/
From a person who spent his entire life as an alcoholic, these are true. My issue is the revolving door.
Still trying to get back to who I was because it is far more important. Alcohol changes your mindset and therefore you.
To SMART Recovery… I wish I would have been in, I wasn’t now groups aren’t allowed. Feel free to msg SMART. I’m trying
I had two years clean off drug use. All of May was off and on use, 4 or 5 days away from my family at a time. I quit my job, my partner ended things with me. I know if I stay clean I can build back what I’ve lost but the thought of doing it all again from the start makes me so depressed all I want to do is sleep☠️
Hello Alyssa,
You can find support by attending a meeting. To find a local meeting, go to https://www.smartrecoverytest.org/local/ or an online meeting at http://www.smartrecovery.org/community
I was in recovery helping others for over 10 years, not even thinking I would ever go back. I’ve damaged a lot of relationships, and broke trust. In recovery now and wondering what do I do now with the rest of my life?
Facing the nasty feelings and results of relapse.
Thanks for this article.
Wayne, I understand.
Hello, I’m about to turn 55 and I have 4 year and 2 months clean. I just feel like I want to celebrate my birthday while indulging in my drug of choice, just for a day. But I know I can stop after that. My thing is, will I lose my clean time?
I was 5 months sober and I just relapsed last night. Just days after my fiancé and I put the deposit in for our wedding this May and now I’m afraid he’s going to want to leave me. He says he has given up on me and doesn’t trust me anymore and I need to figure this out on my own. I hate myself and I don’t know what the next step is. I’m so lost.
Hello Elizabeth
SMART is here to help. There are meetings and resources available at https://smartwww.wpengine.com/community/
I relapsed this year and was ashamed. The hospital treated me like a criminal. But it was after my relapse that I realized my party days were over, and it was time to move on to the next chapter. I survived…this time. There may not be a next time. I am successful at work and are moving toward my PhD in psychology. Family, school, and work are my priorities, and I have to set a good example for my kids.
You’re absolutely right I just went Throw a relapse and I felt so badd about myself that I Hi I don’t go to meetings but I have to get myself that go up into what I have to do
I’ve relapsed after 6 months. Just can’t seem to sort myself out. Feel anxious & shaky all the time.
I feel like the power has left me after a relapse. I feel weak. How do I regain strength?
I recently relapsed over four days I want to get back on track and for it not to happen again, And I’m going to use smart recovery to help me..
Everything will be better in the end, if it’s not better, then it’s not the end. Hang in there.
I relapsed December 21, 2018. Thanks for this article. I’m motivated that i can stay stopped. I almost lost my job and my life. I could feel the vienes in the right side of my head feeling as if they were going to snap. There may not be a next time for me. I will be using smart recovery to help me stay clean and sober.
Hi Tom – Happy New Year to you! Please visit http://www.smartrecovery.org/community/ to find our online meetings.
Thank you for such informative info. I’m struggling and relapsed bad. I will work through this Smart Recovery.
I relapsed 30/12/18, 2 weeks after coming out of rehab, which I left after a month than 6 because I didn’t believe it was doing any good. I’m 4 days sober now after a 2 week binge and know I’ve hurt my liver more than ever before because I’m not recovering as fast as before. This time I’ve lost my brother and some friends. I’m hoping a Turning Point councellor will ring me tomorrow so I can get treatment again, whether rehab or not. Next time I will not survive. This article has given me hope. Thankyou.
Turning point Missisppi m if you were there in january and February 2019 we know each other.
I just came back from a brutal relapse where I experienced the most terryifying hallucinations, anxiety and lack of self care….it was “only” 2 weeks but the crazy thing is i had 5 months before that and I really believed I could stop after a couple of days…time to start again
I have recently had somewhat simular situation as you. Recently I mean less then 24hrs ago I relapsed for the first time during my first month of recovery. Everyone was so proud of me, I feel 2-many ways to describe how I feel upon a one-night choice I took. At this time I was just beginning to fell like myself, looked like myself, be myself, the one part of me I truly missed & consumed my thoughts daily, coping/waiting to feel how I began to not only feel about myself. I had feelings for others aswell, I can’t let them down once again after all my loved ones support. I admit I relapsed to myself & hopefully someone/somebody/anyone out there please some words of advice to help me & my mind from stop judging myself for my recently wrong doings. My anxiety is at its peak, not from relapsing rather from my little dirty secret. I’m praying, this time will pass so quickly & I won’t suffer crying on my knees begging for God’s help during this relapse. My last relapse was from years of day”2″day non-stop of all types of opioids as the hundred thousands of heroin & fentinal fen. My mind is stuck on repeat thinking of my last withdrawal, trying to cope with what I remember & won’t ever forget. The state of broken physical independence & self-worth I had for myself. How I felt my way of normal thoughtful thinking dissappeared into thin air far-far elsewhere thinking of finding that which I managed to loss before. If you have read this & give me some words of wisdom from an simular situation to help me aswell tell me the difference between the first relapse I had gone threw & know what to expect from this One-Night slip-up from last night. Slip by purchasing/using 1/2 gram of H. How long will it be for this withdrawl, physical appearance & my mental way of thinking to return to normal. Remember I slipped up using what I stated above & I’ve been threw detox, rehab, & clean of all substances until a loved one I overheard speaking to nother family loved one making false accusations I used which I didn’t before or during that time. That is what made me relapse & filled w/ guilt. Most-Definitely can not ask for there help with my questions. Please if anyone reads this sooner than later, help me by replying to my comment or directly towards me.
Thanks to all in & dealing with recovery capable of passing knowledge on.
Truley, Daniel – wanting to be that better/best man knowing I can…
I know it might not seem like it right now, but everything you are going through with relapse is completely normal. Everyone deals with this. It’s part of your recovery. The main thing here is to learn from your relapse, because otherwise the meaning and relevance of all your guilt and negative feelings about yourself due to relapse is completely forfeited. You’d just be feeling sorry for yourself. Now is the time to build on your successes, not dwell on your failures. The biggest battle has already been won: You realized you wanted to change, and you dug deep to find the courage to change. Huge shift in your mental paradigm. Now it’s all down to implementation. It’s not simple; nobody ever told you it would be; it takes work. But when it comes to rolling up your sleeves and doing the work of recovery, you have the ultimate weapon in your corner: SMART Recovery.
Hey Daniel.
I feel you bro. Stay strong. I know how you feel because there is this feeling that nobody believes what you’re telling them is true when you quit. They just can’t get over you quitting. To you it’s so obvious because you know how you behave when you’re on and you’re obviously not behaving like that anymore. But you got people still saying that you’re sneaking around doing it and you’re not. You’re honest with yourself and you’re honest but at the same time you felt like doing it you’re fighting this demon all the time every day. So it’s beating me down it’s wearing you down it’s fighting to win and you’re fighting it and you’re not weak because you gotten this far. But it’s where are you down and catch you feel vulnerable you feel like you could fail at any time. Well that’s how I felt anyway. I thought about crack all the time dreamed about it constantly. Nightmares mostly.. it’s been six months … I brag about it. There’s this feeling that people think I’m lying . I’m not…. until the other day when I relapsed. It wasn’t enough to satisfy.. my confidence was rocked! I was out of my mind with anxiety and guilt. I prayed to God to forgive me and to continue to give me strength. I get a wave of anxiety every time I think of it and I think of it all the time. The thing about it is now I’m scared shitless to continue. I got rid of the taste it was like I needed to scratch an itch.. well I scratched . My fear is too great I’m scared to death to keep going and doing it. So my relentless craving that I’ve been fighting for six months I gave into basically but now I know I don’t want it. I pray the craving never comes back . I pray that I am reminded of this feeling of being a worm on the end of a hook. Bait for the devil . I don’t know how you feel about God or religion but I know in my life he has saved me and he lets us fall so that we know him we need him. I wish I was strong enough to do the right thing all the time. I’m not one of those folks . Hopefully I can learn from this mistake and move past it. Hopefully it’ll make me stronger. Sometimes fear is healthy. It’s respectful to fear. Thanks for listening Daniel you will be in my thoughts and prayers. -Grace
You can do this. Your post really hit me as my spouse just relapsed slipped after 2.5 yrs, What I feel should be done with him is let him feel the bad part of said slip, but to balance/neutralize that with support and hope. Yes. He slipped. He also adressed it just as quickly. Which is everything. He chose to fight. All I ask and need him to do. I will do what I can to lessen the rest of it as he makes it through. You got that. The difference is, you’re acknowledging it and then going a step further to reach out You both owe this to yourselves. This time you know what’s up and you take your control back. Sending all the love your way. You can and will do this.
Since my partner and I split, largely due to my use of substances and erratic behavior, I now live on my own and feel empty, lonely and like I’ve taken a huge step back in life.
It feels like punishment, and I have been trying my best to be balanced.
Unfortunately I have continually relapsed. Which is a constant cycle of punishment and reward. Relapse – back to balance – light at end of tunnel – relapse and repeat.
I have reached out to my counsellor and co-worker. That I need to return to the recovery program.
Hang in there everyone.
I’ve been an addict for 15 years, I recently went to rehab back in Aug. 2018, a great program. Within 5 weeks of being out, doing fret I must add, new job, family coming back around, and seeing my kids again, relapse hit me out of no where. I don’t even know how or why it happened honestly. All I know is I can’t go through it again and neither can my loved ones. I truly believe that this smart recovery is for me and WILL help tremendously, thank you so much.
Hi my name is Kris,
I am an addict
Now on the road to recovery!
hey guys, i relapsed this past sunday april 21st 2019 i was in treatment from jan 2019 to march 6th 2019 and as the saying goes 1s too many and 1000’s not enough. Bet myself up all day about it having to now face the music of dealing with my loved ones. sucks big time. i found being honest about it helps alot. be true to yourself, we know what it does to us and where its going to take us.
thanks for the great read!
adrian
I have used for most of my life i was always miserable looking for a way out i coildnt escape jail hospitals sucide attempts i had alot of loss and hurt and keep it shoved down it was to painful i do have hope now
I’m finding coming back from 3 and a half years abstinence almost impossible. I have everything in life a person could wish for. I got married in recovery and was allowed the honour of adopting my beautiful daughter whilst clean and sober.
I thought because alcohol was not my drug of choice then i would be okay having the occasional drink, this turned out to be a decision I regret to this day. It took about 6 months in total before I was injecting heroin and crack cocaine again.
The day the official adoption certificate came through the post was the day my using was exposed to all those who I had worked tirelessly rebuilding the trust of.
That was 18 months ago and it’s been a hellish journey of getting clean, relapsing, getting clean and relapsing and so on.
The ripple effect of that one decision to have one social drink is difficult to put into words and so many people have been affected and are still suffering the consequences to this day.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this and if it serves only as a cautionary tale to anybody who is at that point in their recovery where ambivalence and reservations are growing then I would beg you to expose those thoughts and feelings and not to poke the beast.
We do recover but we are never recovered. If you are an addict of my type and this is your first taste of freedom from active addiction then please don’t challenge or go up against your condition, illness, disease or whatever label you want to put on it. I don’t know or care what it is, all I know is that whatever it is i suffer from it and it is bigger and more powerful than I alone.
Wear your clean time like a badge of honour, something I never did. I always played it down and feel it was in part due to feeling some level of shame about being an addict whereas the truth is that to come through active addiction and survive means your a badass and a true warrior.
I’m currently at the stage where the article talks about people starting to loose faith in your ability to bounce back and start to withdraw, I’m seeing this with the people closest to me who can no longer continue to feel the pain my actions have on them.
I heard the term ‘Serial relapser’ the other day and thought to myself, No, i am a ‘Serial fighter’ and ‘Serial tryer’ and as long as keep fighting I will one day find myself back in recovery with all the gifts that accompany it.
Thank you for providing the forum for me to offload my current thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for your honesty. It is bigger than we are, for the addict & loved ones.
Thanks for sharing this.. You just don’t know how much u help me me.
Darn, Ryan. That was deep. I hope you’re doing well now. I’ve struggled all my life. Now I have a 6 year old girl and just got out of rehab, August 4th. Well in the first week I messed up. Beat myself up while everyone around me took their shots at me as well. Not really sure where to turn at this point.
I don’t call my condition a relapse…I quit cold turkey after 20 years of meth use and my wife could not believe I was able to that on my own . The first 2 weeks are the hardest because of the extreme tired feeling after the body wanted it’s dreams back., It was crash ..get up and eat ..crash and eat..shower and eat… did not have any real anxiety attack or real withdrawal symptoms. I never ever would use a needle. It was snort or cocktail back then… Then when I needed something to pass the time I started drinking beer …then more beer…than onto ales ….from there it was vodka …then tequila…. I never drank before or during work hours ..but as soon as I got home it was drink time …. I drank because my addictive personality needed something to have a good time with… instead of being awake .my body would be tired and sleepy and the sofa for TV and napping became a common theme… I used to have great sex on meth ..that was one of the reasons I went back to it …. but it did not produce the results like the old days… it made things worse….the desire was there in principle but the body said not tonight Don.. you failed in bed again …I was so frustrated I let my depression win the erection war …. it was mental and I was getting old .. I let myself be controlled or distracted from what I needed to be doing….. paying attention to my wife instead of the high… It cost me my marriage and far more during the one sided divorce. Now when I try to quit my body gets anxiety attacks which are brutal and scary at the same time. If I do not get a grip on things I will die from loneliness and depression.
Hey Don were you able to quit I couldnt get a read on that.
I was clean for 8 months on meth slipped now I am a revolving door relapser. I am losing everyone around me as well as myself. Looking back now it is funny I kept coming within an inch of going back to rehab to recover but kept getting better job after better job. Money or no money my life without seems boring and dull and my sex drive has diminished as well. I take joy in nothing
This could be my husband’s story except just with alcohol (I think). He goes sporadically to a counselor but he’s never fully honest with the therapist or even with himself so he’s stuck in his pattern. It’s very hard for him to ask for help and very difficult to let anyone in to the deepest, most hurting parts of himself that need to be heard & healed. I don’t want divorce but It is getting hard to bear his lack of honesty with me, with others and with himself. It’s too shame-filled to be honest I think. But there is hope and help if he’ll be able to let someone or God into those deepest places of pain for real healing. I just don’t know if he will. Thank you for sharing your story.
I’m so proud of you keep up the good work
Here is the real reason most addicts have a relapse after some time away from the action and thinking hey… I am doing great …. I can have 1 drink or 1 snort not a problem….. We all want to impress the instructors and our families by not testing positive for our substance of choice…. I remember exactly when I was “introduced” to crank… it was put in a shot glass and as I watched the powder swirl down like a trail of oil . I then downed the mixture and about 20 minutes later I was the life of the party..I was barely 20 and soon I was hooked on that feeling of euphoria and my life would never be the same.. What started as a weekend fling for fun soon branched to an everyday party and I soon found out what meth was best for ………. sex….. the orgasms on crank were off the wall pleasure bombs of feeling invincible and alive…
if i go out, its over. i have 28 years but this is a one day at a time recovery. i remember my last drink like yesterday and that keeps me highly motivated. i act with discipline and drop ego, now i feel at peace with society and myself. sobriety rocks
A relapse is not a failure, it is only a part of your new life and you need to find a way to keep going, as difficult as it is. I had several before my recovery finally “took” a year or so ago. I write haikus about my feelings.
Recovery
Quit your fantasies
The new normal is to live
One day at a time
Thank you for such informative info. I’m struggling and relapsed bad. I will work through this Smart Recovery.
As yesterday was july 4th I did not go to aa meeting..Too busy with other things..This morn I woke and forgot my prayer to higher power,which I’ve been doing for 4-5 months now every morn…He got me to a meeting at 12 noon and most likely tonite..Higher power and meetings is the way to go…”not what u think it is how u think..”…Dave
Like reading my mind. I lapsed in March about a month after my mom passed away not an excuse but definitely a trigger then I lapsed again last week then again this weekend. I’m so scared I would of had 5 years in Sept. Everytime I get back into the game I lose everything. I’ve built such a good life with my husband and being clean has been nothing but heaven to me. Oh oh I’m so scared.
I had stopped drinking for several years and relapsed. I thought somehow this time would be different. And of course it wasn’t. My best friend told me about SMART recovery. I was fortunate to get connected with a weekly SMART book study. Because of the knowledge gained, group feedback, amazing facilitator, and my willingness to see it though even when It was painfully hard and uncomfortable, I stopped drinking September 12th 2018 and haven’t since. This program has taught me so much about addictive behaviors. I am empowered and have gained tools of all the ways I can live without addictive behaviors. Thank you for providing a free program of self help that makes sense and can be easily applied for a life reset game changer! There is hope. Hang in there and see it thru. This could be your story too!
I have liver cirrhosis I relapsed with alcohol after being dry for three years I broke my wife heart and lost her trust now I’m lost
Dear Stephen, My heart breaks for you. The fact that you were dry for three years proves you can do it again. I believe in you. All hope is not lost. There is no shame in asking for help. There are many people and programs who would love to help you. I will pray for you.
I had been clean for 10 months and start using after my mate did I feel like a failure and like I will never be able to stop smoking crack cocaine
I’ve been an addict for well over 7 years now and I’m definitely stuck in the revolving door right now. I’ve relapsed and gotten sober so many times I can’t even count. The problem like this article states is that the people I’ve turned to in the past have started to lose faith. It just might be a projection of my own loss of faith because sometimes I feel like the battle is futile. On the other hand the thought of remaining an addict sounds miserable. It’s like I can’t stay sober but I don’t want to be an addict anymore. Im still young enough and haven’t made any huge mistakes that will mess up my life long term. I know I have things that I could have going for me if it wasn’t for this addiction, but for some reason I can’t fully get sober. It’s like I know I need to get sober but I don’t know if I fully WANT to. I just don’t know what I need to fully motivate me to do this….
So glad after reading this post because all of us talk about rehabilitation but few from us thinks about after rehabilitation. Rehabilitation from alcohol or drug is a complete journey from alcohol addiction recovery to make everything normal with your family, friends etc. It takes some time but nothing is impossible. You shared a very nice post which helped people to understand how to start live life again.
I’m curious. Does it really only take one slip to go back to step one?
amazing blog.. thanks for sharing this with all
I relapsed last week when I was supposed to be at work and didn’t go to work for four days. When I eventually did go to work, my boss sent me back home. He asked me where I was and why I didn’t contact him and I told him I was not feeling well. However, deep down the shame and guilt of telling him I’m a recovering alcoholic could not allow me to. I have not been contacted to be told whether I can resume or not. I submitted a note from my psychiatrist stating that he had given me off days but I don’t think that will work because I never called work.
I live with so much guilt and shame because of ,my alcoholism. Everytime I make any good progress, alcoholism robs me of it and I have to start over. I can stay sober for months but I end up slipping or relapsing like I just did. SMART recovery and fellow addicts in recovery please help.
My name is Richard and I’m a recovering alcoholic.
You can find out more about SMART by visiting our website at http://www.smartrecovery.org We have loads of resources (look for the “toolbox”), a list of our local meetings, an online community (visit the message board forums to talk to real people about SMART), a bookstore with SMART publications, and more. We also have online meetings, and you are welcome to attend. Our meetings start with an opening statement followed by a short check in with everyone and then a discussion of the issues that come up in the check-in. During the discussion, cross-talk is encouraged and we learn from each other. Be sure to be online early, we do limit the size of the meetings and they fill up quickly. You will find people in all stages of recovery and working on recovery from many different substances or behaviors. You will also find that many have had 12-step experience and that many attend 12-step meetings AND use SMART as part of their recovery.
I had over 9 years absent from alcohol and had a drink 5 days ago. I am very depressed and do feel like throwing the towel in.I am struggling but trying to get back on track. I feel so much shame I don’t know what to do.
Hi to all
Thanks so much for all your comments. I slipped yesterday after 5.5 years in recovery. It is really hard as it took 2 years of trying 12 steps etc to get clean prior to the 5.5. I used your comments and smart recovery to help me. All I am focusing on is self love and positive thinking and how I must have been in a lot of pain both before and after using. I just need love, more than usual from myself and others. Thanks for being there for me
I had a slip this weekend. I had been sober for 8 months. My binge lasted for two days straight this weekend. When I was done I bursted out in tears because I had this unbearable sadness and guilt. This stuff destroyed my life 8 months ago. I lost my car, my home, and my job all in the same week because of it so I decided I was done and spent the last 8 months picking up all the pieces. I now have a new car, a new home, a new job. You can even say I’m doing better than I ever had been before. . . until this weekend. When I finally snapped out of it today I just sat on the floor and cried harder than I had ever cried before. I felt like the biggest failure until I came across this site and it truly made me feel better knowing that a slip is common in recovery. I will never EVER touch this horrible drug again it is truly a monster!
Very nice article I really loved the way the writer has written.
I have struggled with addiction for many years. I had at one point 11 years of sobriety. Have struggled off and on after relapsing after the 11 years. Currently I am in relapse. It started a couple months ago. At first I felt I could control it and questioned if I really had a problem. Now it is glaringly apparent I have a huge problem. I drink every day and drink anywhere from 3 to 8+ drinks a day. I hide it from those close to me and drink alone during this Covid season. Most my friends are in recovery so it’s not like I have drinking buddies anymore anyways. I hide it from my husband even but I think it is because he chooses not to see. I tell myself I need to quit but everyday I start drinking at some point. I am sort of afraid to quit drinking because I know there is potential for serious withdrawal symptoms. My husband would be mad if he knew and I feel like I can’t get help because we have a son with severe disabilities we care for. Husband works at home because of covid doesn’t have luxury of being full time caregiver of our special needs son. So, I keep my secret and don’t seek outside help. Concerned because the amount of my consumption keeps increasing and time of day doesn’t matter anymore.
Is there any way I can avoid a rehab and quit my addictive behavior? I have easy access to it and I’ve messed up my bank accounts and I’m in debt. I need to get out of this. It’ll be embarrassing if anyone in my family knows how frequently I do it every day and how much I spend on it. And I have a very good relationship with my fiancé and she is unaware of this addiction because it would be a deal breaker.
SK, you can find a SMART meeting here at http://www.smartrecovery.org/community
Thank you so much for sharing your story. So honest and encouraging. All the best, keep writing, keep communicating, getting support and learning about how best to look after yourself. What an inspirational contribution.
After one year of awesome sobriety I binged once a month for 14 months. Now I’m looking at 90 days sober. When I look at it as part of my journey it turns into a positive and I understand myself, forgive myself, and grow past the real revolving door. It’s that one year so far for me that comes and goes so many times now.
My boyfriend went to rehab in June, he had 6 months and then last Friday I suspected for the first time he obviously denied it. Then again Saturday same thing. Today I suspected and actually found a bottle so I know I was right. I’m not trying to make him feel worse but we need to figure this out because I’m not going back to that life again. We have a 2 year old and a 1 month old he gets violent not to mention verbally and emotionally abusive.
I started drinking after 4 years if sobriety. I’m really horrified and embarrassed at how one glass of wine has quickly turned into an all day binge. The all day drinking isn’t every day. But I rarely don’t drink a full bottle of wine.
Haven’t hit the hard liquor yet. Don’t want to get any worse.
Hello Jo, you can find support in a SMART meeting. To find an online meeting, go to http://www.smartrecovery.org/community or a local meeting at https://www.smartrecoverytest.org/local/
Hi I relapsed after being clean for 11 years. I have a wife of 10 years and a 10 year old daughter. My relapse lasted quite some time I kept telling myself that I had everything under control. As it turns out I had nothing under control. After my wife putting up with my using and lying for 7 months and trying to be there for me she decided that it was in her best interest to take my daughter and stay with a friend for a awhile.
I’m happy to say I’m now 18 days clean and I wont go back it took me some time to realize that I was hurting not just myself but those closest to me. Now that I’m getting back on track I want nothing more then to have my wife and daughter come home but unfortunately its not that easy my wife feels hurt that I was dishonest and that I put her and my daughter at risk by using. She says it will take time to heal before she can consider coming home and I’m not sure what I can say or do to show her I’m dead serious and I want nothing more then to have them by my side thru life.
Hello Richard,
There resources and tools that can help you and your family at https://smartwww.wpengine.com/family/ as well as meetings at http://www.smartrecovery.org/community
I have been clean for 2 years and have got my life going so good. I have great family, and I am not going back down that road again.
Two days before my 19 months sobriety, I drank one beer! I feel so horrible!!! Is that relapse? I didn’t continue it, I poured it down the toilet and prayed about it. I asked God to forgive me. I CANNOT tell my family none whatsoever! What do I do? I have no one to talk to, meetings are closed due to COVID. Someone please help me understand this!
Hello Matthew21
Thank you for reaching out. Although our Face-to-Face meetings have been impacted by COVID-19, many have transitioned online using Zoom. You can search for your city/state or zip code to find your area’s Local Online meetings HERE. In the meeting title you will see the status of the meeting between three asterisks (***). It may say: on hiatus, resumed in person, or moved online, see notes. If it has moved online, you will “Click for Meeting Details”, then look under “Important Meeting Information”. If that doesn’t work out for you, please know that the ONLINE COMMUNITY is also available to you after registration.
Nice Blog
I relapsed after nearly six months. Seems to be my pattern as I go months at a time and then crash. I need to break this pattern and attain permanent abstinence before it’s too late. I’m in a foreign country living alone, as my girlfriend had enough a year ago and went back to her country. I can’t seem to get passed her as I am full of regret for my behavior towards her.
I have wrecked my finances after clearing debt from two credit cards during the six months. They have been wracked back up. Alcohol opens the floodgates then I am going to the worst neighborhoods to get drugs. Huge binges blowing all of my money and being with people who I let take advantage of me. The six months revealed that I have on top of alcohol and drug addiction, sex addiction and codependent issues.
This relapse was severe and to say I have been beating myself up about it is putting it mildly. I was close to ending in but something stopped me. Lying in a self pity pit alone and not eating. Glad I found this blog and to see that this has happened to others so it’s part of the savage life of addiction rather than there being something horribly wrong about me. Well there still is but still I know what I am dealing with now. The savage Beast of addiction which takes no prisoners.
I dont want to give up on him. This is his first true relapse. Found out I was pregnant with his kid when he went into rehab. Now he’s out 3 months sober and he relapses the week before Christmas. Keeping so many secrets and spilling only love to me one week later; destitute, penniless, not wanting to tell his direct family he’s blown all his $ on crack. He’s hurt me so much and them. I love him so much and it’s not saving him. He’s sleeping in his car in my driveway right now; sober 17 hrs. He says he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to be back with me and my other 2 sons, his home. I’m so scared. Saying goodbye didn’t hurt this time. But it didn’t stop him from coming back. I wish my heart and my mind’s decisions lined up. How many times do I need to forgive when every month since May 2021 we have been in this exact place?
I just lapsed last night after 2 years clean. What is wrong with me? I have never felt this empty in my life and that is saying something. I don’t know know what to do. In all honesty I don’t see the point, I tried so hard I had no problem until this week.
Hello Jeremy
Thank you for reaching out. SMART is here to help you. You can find a meeting at http://www.smartrecovery.org/community