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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    New York City and Dallas
    Posts
    87

    Default Managing thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

    Here I am.... 11 yrs off crack n meth; nine months off alcohol; 5 months off pot... visiting my mom who is the biggest supporter of my recovery i have.

    Tons of emotions to deal with here that I used to cover up by drinking. Feelings of being a disappointment to her (which she never said). Feelings of being a phony, like look at me now I am sober see how good I am... I am just the same old person I always was..the old ANT's (Automatic Negative Thoughts) come flooding in... when I have spent years training my brain to think "I am worthy, lovable, and kind."

    My mom has told me she is proud of me and she is relieved that she does not have to worry about me anymore. That is the reality of how she feels. All this nonsense about disappointment is my own expectations that I put on myself.

    The solution to the issue is Unconditional Self Acceptance and Unconditional Life Acceptance. If I truly believe that I am worthy, lovable, and kind; that I am deserving of the CHOICE to live a sober day today; then I should be able to forgive myself for not becoming some high powered CPA as I had planned when I quit crack cocaine and went back to school in 2004.

    Obviously life had other plans for me. You know the old joke..."You want to hear God laugh? Tell him/her your plans..." LOL

    Unconditional Self Acceptance is the keystone to my recovery. It tells me that no matter what I was or did or did not do in the past that I still have inherent worth and dignity just because I exist (I believe everyone has this.) that gives me the power of CHOICE to have a sober day today.

    I have made a firm commitment to stay off dope and booze.
    I have made lifestyle changes to enhance that commitment. (I am now an avid bicyclist and I practice meditation regularly among other changes.)
    I have made plans to deal with situations where I might be tempted to use/drink again.

    Three years ago I would not even discuss alcohol in my therapy.
    When I found a SMART flyer in a packet from a seminar
    I was taking in how to handle dimentia in elderly folks to help me help them as a volunteer at my church it opened the door to a new way to recover. I had thought that 12 step was my only option and they had never been right for me. I had been in and out of those doors since I was sixteen yrs old and I am 51 now.

    I found that flyer in May 2013 and was patient with myself, practiced the tools, and persued recovery to get to where I am today.

    good luck to all of you who may read this with hope of a new life.



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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    smack dab where Time begins
    Posts
    14,518

    Default

    Nicely said and nicely done!
    Wherever you go, there you are

  3. #3

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    Thank you for sharing!

  4. #4

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    dude. What a story. This made my day. and it is only 11:45 am! you and i are much the same in having troubles w/ AA. I still go here and there and actually run a jail meeting. Although, i just talked to the sherrif and i want to start a SMART recovery meeting. i have a huge project that i am just starting.
    Cya!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22

    Default

    This is very inspiring. I am struggling to get/stay sober. However after reading this I know and believe self and life acceptance is key for me. Thank you.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    38

    Default

    Thanks for that! Awesome ^5!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Scottsdale, AZ
    Posts
    4

    Default

    Thanks for sharing your very inspiring story and feelings! Honestly, it's posts like this that has made it easier to get through the past 30 days booze-free for me.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    70

    Default

    thank you , you are an inspiration,

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    New York City and Dallas
    Posts
    87

    Default Success Continues ON!!

    Time has passed and I am still clean and sober!!!

    12 yrs off crack and meth now. One yr.and five months off alcohol. One yr. and one month off pot!

    I set a goal to lose sixty pounds in a year by exercising four to six times a week and eating less than 1800 calories a day last September. I am happy to say I am now forty pounds lighter. I went from 268# to 228# and am now shooting for eighty pounds.

    I have made meditation a part of my weekly routine and go once or twice a week to Zen, Hindu, and Tibetan groups.

    I have joined the organic garden at my church and am growing organic foods that feeds my hov item of health with exercise and good food. Plus we donate 50% of the proceeds to local food pantries so it also feeds my hov item of being a positive force in the world.

    I still love to ride my bicycle and during the spring, summer, and fall I ride almost daily at sunrise. During the winter I ride the stationary bicycle at the gym, not nearly as much fun but it is exercise.

    I continue to be an active participant at my church and give the elderly folks rides to the doctors as I can. I also help a few individuals outside of my church who live in the apartments here with me and talk with my pastor about my work with them often.

    One of them is an epileptic who is getting dimentia and I am in the process of handing off care to their daughter. One is a diabetic who recently had a leg amputed and will only need my help until he gets his prosthetic leg, which will be pretty soon. The relationships I get from helping these people are priceless thus feedin my hov item of relatioinships.

    I am also an avid baker and run bake sales at my church where I bake twenty loaves of bread a week for three weeks. The church reimburses me for supplies and it raises quite a bit of money for the ministers discretionary fund. I have had to ask for money from that fund twice and have paid it back many times over in the three yrs that I have been baking for the church.


    I am now a meeting helper with SMART one night a week Thurs. 8 p.m. EST LMR Text meeting feeding my hov item of being a force for good in the world and helping me stay involved in SMART as there are so many things in my life pulling me different directions that are away from SMART.

    I own my recovery and am a teetolar now. HG, our former meeting facilitator, my therapist, my dual diagnosis peer support counselor, and my mother helped me accept that I am a success in recovery and I have since been able to accept that I am a success in a lot of other aspects of my life.

    I have wanted this life since I was sixteen years old and walked into my first AA meeting and finally I have it.... Goose bumps and tears of joy coming as I type. Must be careful so that it does not slip away.. it could so easily slip away. That is why I became a meeting helper. To maintain a presence here at SMART and remember the time from May 2013 when I first joined SMART until Sept. 22, 2014 when I had the traumatic experience of being committed to the mental hospital by the police because I was in a drunken manic rage and the only people I did NOT want to fight was the POLICE. That for me was the thing that got me to sober up. I did have two slips since then for one day each on day eight and day 75. But I keep on truckin'. By day 75 my tolerance was gone and I got so sick I realized the gas pumps say 10% ethanol b/c alcohol belongs in my car not in my stomach. LOL

    Good luck to all of you who read this with hope of a new life.

    Let me say one last thing. Someone asked me one yr and seven months ago, two months before I quit, if I thought I could ever quit alcohol and I told them I did not think it was possible. I had tried everything under the sun. Did everything SMART/AA/NA/etc.. told me and to no avail. But what I had not done was accept that responsibility for my drinking and make that choice to not drink anymore. The same way I accepted the responsibility for using crack and meth in 2014 when my Dad died and chose not to use them anymore. Once I stopped blaming the drinking / drugging on how my family raised me, and they raised me to be a sick drugging/drinking person, I was able to stop drinking/drugging.
    Last edited by Arne; March 10, 2016 at 7:33 AM.

  10. #10

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    Jeff, you are a hero to me.
    Mollygirl

  11. #11

    Default

    Jeff, Thank you for sharing. You're an inspiration to me.

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