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  1. #1
    Sam29's Avatar
    Sam29 is offline Distance Training Team
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    Default Milestone, Smilestone #10

    Hello everyone,

    I’m struggle with how to write about this past year. In each of the previous “Milestone, Smilestone” I posted over the years I talk about progress, accomplishments, growth and balance. This past year has been more about life changing events that have disappointed and stressed out both myself and my husband, “Mr. Sam”. Without going into detail, our lives have changed because of these events. Our family has been broken. We no longer have the connection to our grandchildren that we used to have and one of our sons, their step dad, has been forbidden contact with them. What we thought was a family bond is no longer there. We had some contact, at first, with our grandchildren but that has suddenly stopped, with no explanation. We are in a definite quandary as to what we can do.

    In previous posts I mentioned being able to cope with life without drinking and enjoying every day. Drinking is not in my thoughts at all and I am very grateful for that. After 10 years of abstinence I have no need or desire. That episode in my life is over. What I continue to work on is coping with what life hands me. I guess that is what I would like to pass on to everyone. It’s not about addictive behaviors but more about using the tools to help me focus on what is important in my life. I cannot change what has happened but I can manage my feelings. Feeling sad and depressed is not going to help so I am working on how I can change that.
    Smart Recovery is based on a Four Point Program.

    • Build and maintain motivation
    • Cope with urges
    • Manage thoughts, feelings and behaviors
    • Live a balanced life

    The third and fourth points are key to being able to move ahead right now, IMHO. So that is the area I will focus on right now. I have learned over the years that it takes time to work through situations and issues and I am willing to accept that.

    This is another Milestone/Smilestone for me even though my life is not quite balanced. Mr. Sam and I are united with our thoughts about the events this year and that helps tremendously. Our friendship/love for each other has grown even stronger. We still smile a lot because our life is worth it. This is a very important year for us as it is “proof in the pudding” that remaining abstinent has enabled me/us to work through all that life gives us, good or not so good.

    Now into Decade # 1, WOW!! I’ll take it! Our lives have changed and yes, we are having some difficulties but we are stronger than we have ever been. Mr. Sam and I talked about how our lives were ten years ago. The changes we have made have shown us that anything is possible. Our plan is not to live in sadness but to take what has happened to our family and rebuild. The relationships we had will not be the same but we still have love for each other. That is more than enough inspiration to move forward.

    Take care,
    Sam

  2. #2
    df2's Avatar
    df2 is offline SMART Message Board Co-Liaison
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    WOW is right, Congratulations on your first decade Sam!! The wisdom and heartfelt sincerity of your posts has meant a lot to me, Thank You.
    "The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time". Thomas A. Edison
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  3. #3
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    You are incredibly inspirational, Sam, and I'm so thrilled to hear that drinking is so fully out of the picture of your life. But I am very, very sorry to hear of the rupture in your family, which must be extremely painful. It's good that you are hanging on to love as you work with the situation as it is. I do hope it improves for you (I'm guessing that those kids will find their way back to you when they are allowed to choose for themselves, even if that takes awhile), but it's wonderful that you still embrace the good in your life right now. Congratulations to you on your decade of sobriety, and thank you for all you share here.

  4. #4
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    Congratulations Sam! I know the difficult times you've been through and yet you have remained such an inspiration. Cheers to the next decade of sobriety!

  5. #5
    Sam29's Avatar
    Sam29 is offline Distance Training Team
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    Thank you jeff.

    Love,
    Sam

  6. #6

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    im so proud of you. no, you don't know me and nor i you, but im still so very happy that you could get your life back on track, from one human to another, have a prosperous life

  7. #7
    twoputts's Avatar
    twoputts is offline Former FUNdraising Volunteer
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    Greetings Sam- My comfort, compliments and warmth to you today-

    When I was over the hump but still newer here at SMART I didn't know whether this was just a pause in my life or the beginning of a whole new era. Your voice meetings and sharing were primary for my decisions at that time. You had that compassionate understanding side that was so authentic and helpful. "We never know who we touch" was so true for me about you !

    I too have a couple relatives and a more distant relative who have chosen non-communication as their buffer or solution. Mystified might be one word, yet I shoulder up and take responsibility for whatever part of that cold response I may have played a part in for them. Each of these relations seem to have done that to the surrounding relatives, rather than pick me out as a select target. A friend of mine often said "Keep the door of communication open should they ever want to use it." In a couple of these cases I have worked to convey that without injecting any obligation over the silent parties.

    My thanks for your role in my own development and warmth to you as you experience the Holidays. Grateful that you have a Mr Sam along the way also.

    May the Wind be at your Back...............TwoPutts

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