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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Dominion, Nova Scotia & Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    273

    Default My SMART Journey

    I started in SMART Recovery Online on June 3rd, 2011.

    When I joined I was broke and living at my mothers. Today, my money is making money and I am saving for a house. When I joined I was emotionally unstable. Today, I control my reactions to emotions. When I joined I was entitled. Today I accept. When I joined I wanted help. Today I help.

    I realized I wanted help quitting drugs in the summer of 2010. I sought that help with a different group after seeing a powerful scene on TV that involved someone getting off drugs by going to the group. Well, after about two weeks there, I realized it's not like it is on TV. And those things they don't show you on TV, well they horrified me, and they just happened to be the basis of their program. I was very disappointed.

    When I left the group and made the mental decision to do it on my own, I literally felt my brain being unwashed. Then, I got phone calls from members, asking where I was and then telling me I have no chance of doing it without them and their method. So much for anonymity.

    But the only effect their threats had on me was to push me further away. I was already determined to get sober without them and their method. I was already taking the first step - towards Self-Management that is.

    Over the next 3 months, I continued to use off-and-on until the new year came and the lapses stopped happening. I had to move back in with my mom because I went broke and although I was working towards staying sober, I couldn't really afford to use if I wanted anyway. But the time was coming where I would be going back to work which meant that I'd once again be able to do drugs if I wanted. I wanted some support and did a Google search for recovery options and stumbled upon SMART Recovery.

    All I wanted was a bit of moral support, I was very surprised to receive so much more than that. I used the tools here to motivate me to get off my *** and get back to work already, I used them to learn about entitlement and acceptance. I used them to change how I react to situations in a rational manner. And most importantly, I used them to stay sober. At least for a little while.

    I picked up the habit again in the late summer of 2011. It was mainly due to lacking on the SMART work, having a little money again, access to cheap drugs, and having 3 drug using roommate's. Oh, and I got fired, which gave me plenty of time to use.

    The next job I ended up at, was one of the worst I have ever had to put up with, and using drugs didn't help that outlook. After I made enough money to last a few months, I quit. I quit work that is, I didn't quit the drugs. I continued to use until almost all the money I made at that job was gone. Then, on Dec 30th, 2011, I made the decision to quit again.

    I haven't relapsed since that day.

    Since then I have actually learned that I don't hate my job; I kinda like it. The hating it part stemmed from entitlement, and now I accept it, and accepting it, has enabled me to excel at it. And because I'm excelling, I'm getting all those things I felt I was entitled too in the first place. Funny how that works.

    Another reason I felt like life owed me something was because I felt I had the skill and talent to be a successful writer, but alas, that is not what I was. But through using the tools, I realized that even if I do have the skill and talent, that I still have to work at it in order to be successful at it. Imagine, if the worlds top publisher came to me, and said they'd publish anything that I give them, well I'd have nothing because I've never actually finished writing something. And there I am, feeling bitter, because I'm not a successful writer even though I "should be." Funny how that works.

    Well today, I am still not a successful writer, but (other than poetry, lyrics and music) I have written articles, essays, skits, jokes,
    screenplays, almost 20 short stories and a novel. And that in-of-itself, is a success.

    But I think the change that has brought me the most fulfillment has been volunteering here at SMART Recovery. I've been a Meeting Helper since early 2013 and a Chat Volunteer since later in the same year. Feeling like I am part of something that could change and help so many people the same way it has helped me brings me a deep feeling of warmth and gratitude: I love what I've learned here, I love the people here both volunteers and members, I love that participation is voluntary, I love that it's focused on Self-Management, I love that it's science based, I love that it's free for all and the all for whom it's free are what keeps it alive.

    So, for a long story short, SMART Recovery is the only reason that I have gone from HUGE LOSER to PERFECT PERSON.

    Kidding.

    My life is by no means easy, but it isn’t too hard either. For example, dealing with the deaths of those 3 former roommates of mine has been really tough. But knowing how to apply the tools has made an immeasurable impact on my ability to look at the hard times as not so hard, and having that attitude, enables me to use the other tools to then manage that hard time, which again, makes the hard times that much easier.

    Oh, and did I mention that I’m sober? Yeah, that’s a huge bonus too.

    Love,
    y0ung42o
    Last edited by y0ung42o; January 10, 2014 at 4:39 PM.
    If you can achieve the same benefits the only thing you're giving up is the costs

  2. #2
    I_am_Ned's Avatar
    I_am_Ned is offline Former SMART Message Board Volunteer
    SMART FtF Facilitator
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    6,564

    Default

    Very inspirational read y0ung42o. I'm glad you are part of SMART Recovery.

    I am I_am_Ned
    I see no reason in what you just wrote to drink

  3. #3

    Default

    Very nice to read your story.
    I am struggling and very new here. I have a goal of 2 weeks and being sober. Having to move back home...
    Divorce, unemployed, etc. I know we all have our hard times.
    Thank you for the encouragement. Sincerely-Jennifer Doggyluv

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Rochester, MN
    Posts
    33

    Default

    Reading essays like yours always brings about a sense of encouragement and a renewed drive to continue on the straight-and-narrow. Thank you so much for sharing it, and I wish you much luck in your writing as well as your sobriety. Plumbing the depths of the conscious-mind is no easy task, and translating what you discover there into an art is even more difficult. Simply knowing that there are people who've made it work gives me a palpable sensation of strength. Thanks again!

  5. #5
    LMR555's Avatar
    LMR555 is offline SMART MB Co-Liaison
    Former SMART Online Facilitator
    SMART Message Board Volunteer
    SMART Online Leadership Team
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Southwest Fl
    Posts
    24,176

    Default

    Hi yOung42o,

    Thank you for writing this and sharing it. Your work is part of my inspiration this morning! It was cleverly written with humor and joy!

    Lorrie
    "Discover the Power of Choice!"

    “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” – Chinese Proverb

    Join the team as a SMART Message Board Volunteer!! It can encourage growth and joy. Or support with a donation http://bit.ly/passthehat

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Dominion, Nova Scotia & Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    273

    Default

    Thanks very much for the replies guys. I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and hope whomever does may find inspiration to continue.

    I would especially like to thank doggyluv and caleb for their replies. Your words touched my heart and I wish you both the best of skill (I don't believe in luck) in your Recovery, wherever it may lead.

    One may put in the work and one may get the results they were hoping for but those results are not guaranteed. The most one can realistically expect is maturity, and that is a great gift that comes with growing up.

    Thanks,
    Allan
    If you can achieve the same benefits the only thing you're giving up is the costs

  7. #7

    Default

    Thanx for the great post....its inspirational.... good health to you...

  8. #8

    Default

    Thanks for telling your story. I know I am not fulfilling my full potential by drinking in the way that I have been. You've reminded me that I love life and I need to experience it to the maximum, and the way to do that is without alcohol.

  9. #9

    Default Support

    I really appreciate your story as well. I'm going on 4 years clean & have really struggled the last 2 with gossip & judgments in anonymous programs. i particularly loved what you said about self management. Although we all need support, ultimately we are responsible for our recovery.

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