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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    20

    Smile I Think It's Working!

    I posted this message in another thread related to eating disorders, and someone suggested I post it here, so here goes!

    I struggle with food addiction and compulsive overeating. I started the SMART program just over 2 weeks ago, and it has been working for me. I've always hated tracking my food. Anything that feels like a diet I resisted. But last year when I was desperate (happens about 4 times a year when I have a meltdown: I MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS NOW!), I joined Weight Watchers. You know I was desperate to join WW because that's the diet of all diets. Diets are horrible. They make me eat more. They make me feel like sh*t when I'm not perfect. And even when I lose weight on them, I always gain it back (and then some). It's a vicious cycle that's been going on since I was 12, the first time my mother and doctor put me on a diet. Still mad about that!

    Anyway, the one thing that I really liked about WW at the time was their online app that I downloaded to my iPad. I'm a bit of an iPad junkie I entered everything I ate at each meal and it gave me the nutritional values. Well, when I quit WW after a month, I lost the ability to use the app. So I carried on for the next 9 months trying non-diet approaches to my problem, and then I discovered SMART. I'm still so new to the program. I've been working on some of the assignments. But what I find most helpful are the voice meetings. I have committed to one meeting per day or if I can't attend a meeting, I've committed to working on the assignments and reading through the forum. It's keeping me connected and honest

    The other thing that's been helping me tremendously is a new app (free!!) that I found called Lose It! Now, it's true that Lose It! is meant to be used by people trying to lose weight, and that could tap into some nasty stuff with me or others with EDs, but it's actually helping me stay on a healthy eating plan. I'm not on a diet. I have not restricted any foods from my diet (that always leads to disaster), but I'm also not eating whatever I want in any quantity I want anytime I want, which is what I was doing for those 9 months after WW. Instead I'm tracking. It's making me aware of how many calories I was consuming before when I would say "I really don't eat that much." BIG FAT LIE! I eat a lot. Or i should say I can eat a lot. I'm using this app and my scale (another thing I used to have a very unhealthy relationship with...or I should say I'm learning to have a more healthy relationship with my scale since I started START) simply as fact-finding tools...with no judgment or criticism (NOT EASY FOR ME!).

    The results have been amazing. I am choosing what to eat and how much based on the facts before me: the fact that I am 100 lbs overweight; I have diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure; the fact that "normal" portion sizes of healthy foods fit within my "budget." The biggest key for me so far has been CHOICE. I keep reminding myself that it is my choice of what to eat and how much, that I'm not being forced to or pressured to by anybody (including myself) or any program. When I choose rather than force, suddenly, my subconscious (and evil side) doesn't interfere. My brain is cooperating. I still can't believe it!

    I tried OA before finding SMART and I was never comfortable with the concept of being powerless over food (even though I felt powerless). All I needed was somebody (SMART facilitator) to tell me I could be EMPOWERED. Something clicked: Yes, that feels better to me

    Now, I'm not perfect by any stretch. I got through the holidays better than I expected. I went over budget a couple times, and I even gained a couple pounds. But for the first time in my life, I didn't get upset, because I knew I was in control the whole time. I didn't binge. I didn't obsess. And most importantly, I didn't WHITE-KNUCKLE through anything. I lived. I celebrated. I enjoyed. But I didn't overdo it. And I still am amazed that I did that, me -- I almost said by myself, but it wasn't by myself. I attended a SMART meeting every day except New Year's Day. And I carried that momentum with me to the next party or gathering or meal.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    23,080

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    That's wonderful, Jen!!! Kudos!! And here's to the start of a GREAT New Year! - Dee

  3. #3

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    Congratulations, how terrific to hear of your success Jen! Thank you for sharing this.

  4. #4
    LMR555's Avatar
    LMR555 is offline SMART MB Co-Liaison
    Former SMART Online Facilitator
    SMART Message Board Volunteer
    SMART Online Leadership Team
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Southwest Fl
    Posts
    24,179

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    Hi Jen,

    Really great to read your success. I appreciate that you explained so many details it really shows the effort that you put into your success.

    Lorrie
    "Discover the Power of Choice!"

    “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” – Chinese Proverb

    Join the team as a SMART Message Board Volunteer!! It can encourage growth and joy. Or support with a donation http://bit.ly/passthehat

  5. #5

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    Hi Jen,
    Empowered, that is exactly how I feel with the help of SR. Although my addiction is marijuana and I've been clean for 2 1/2 weeks I felt the same way you did over the holidays....like I was finally in control. Thank you for sharing.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    309

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    Good stuff, Jen!!

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