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  1. #1

    Default Four years in recovery and trying a new approach to maintain that recovery

    My name is Beth. I have been in recovery thanks to Smart Recovery for four years from prescribed medication that I started abusing after 6 years. My triggers are family and spouse and PTSD from a rape which influenced me into not wanting to be touched (it's been over 20 years) or have children since the man was raping me while his wife was giving birth to their child a few miles away. It was my boss's brother at my workplace in my office.

    I've tried Zoom meetings and love tool time but I am ready to start building bonds with individuals that the larger Zoom meetings do not facilitate. As a teacher, I use to attend face-to-face meetings in Missouri which was made up of doctors, dentists, and lawyers. I fit in. I have recently moved due to my spouse's terminal illness to be closer to his family and the one Smart Recovery meeting I found was chaotic with a lot of crosstalk and people comparing stories of getting into fights, how to sneak alcohol into their sober houses, and running from the cops.

    Beneath our skin and defensive behaviors, we are all survivors of substance abuse or misuse - yet I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. That is why my clinical psychologist suggested I start a new profile (I use to go by Toes on Zoom meetings) so I can start building bonds with people through chat for mutual support.

    Smart Recovery changed my life. It's tools helped save my life. Now four years into recovery, I am ready to develop connections with others for mutual support. This feels like some odd personal ad people who use put in the back pages of newspapers looking for dates - but I hope my story strikes a chord with someone who would like to communicate about our journeys and support each other. Beth

  2. #2
    SlappShot's Avatar
    SlappShot is online now SMART Message Board Volunteer
    Former SMART Chat Volunteer
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    I am sorry you went through that and I admire your bravery to tell your story. I was also a victim of some terrible trauma at an early age. That, fueled with anxiety and depression lead me on a path of self destruction.

    I found Smart recovery two years ago, and it to has saved my life. I enjoy in person meetings but all our local Smart meetings are still online. The zoom meetings we have both locally and here are great, but I do enjoy the connection of people in a live group.

    I'm glad that Smart recovery is working for you and I hope you find a group like you did in Missouri.

    Best,

    Slapp
    Two Things I can control today are my attitude and effort.

  3. #3
    Gordon1's Avatar
    Gordon1 is offline SMART MB Liaison
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    It is wonderful that you are here Beth - so very well done on your wonderful growth.

    Welcome

    Please consider reporting that meeting to National Office. They would love for a person to feel safe and for a meeting to actually be a SMART meeting.

    I trust you will find a few kindred spirits in online meetings here, in 24/7 chat, and in the forums.

    Please do keep taking care of you and looking for what is helpful.
    What got me sober was trying to get sober. Often when I lapsed, picked up, drank, I FELT thoroughly beaten. I thought at that time "there is no hope for me" Yet, when I had recovered from that thought just a little, I thought "I'll have another go!" It was a few little sparks, rather than a flame, that got me here!

  4. #4

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    Slapp:

    Today I addressed a stressful situation that I am not sure I would have been able to do without working through Smart Recovery. In 2016 I received a Driving Under The Influence Of Drugs or other... in another state. I paid the fine and went on about my life. Now I am at a point of applying to get driving privileges back and I needed to address that 2016 "other state" case. My initial response was anxiety and reliving the experience, then I pulled on what I learned in Point 3: Managing Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors. I thought through 'what was the worst that could happen by calling the circuit clerk. There is no shame with the disease, just reliving the experience which I have already lived through.' Ended up that the Circuit Clerk congratulated me on my years of recovery and was very helpful in resolving any extraneous matters from that state driving facility from moving forward with my next goal of obtaining my driving privileges.'

    Point 3 is so very important and one that can carry us throughout life as we transition to Point 4.

    Your 'two things' about controlling attitude and effort prompted me to share this with you. Would you mind sharing how Point 3 helps you control your attitude and effort? I'd like to learn more.

    BethBruce

  5. #5

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    Beth,
    I am so sorry that you have to live with that trauma. Your growth and healing are evident; your courage and strength bring some hope to a darker side of life. I very much appreciate you sharing your story.

  6. #6

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    KeepItSimple2911:

    Thank you for your kind words and support. I continue to move forward at a pace that is right for me in obtaining my license again and will keep the forum informed.

    I had a wonderful online support group meeting the other week where we talked about the differences in regret and guilt. I commented to me regret meant that you did something that hurt someone or potentially could hurt someone without knowing better. Guilt to me is much the same but I do know better. When in the midst of substance abuse our brains do not function (chemically) as they should so 'knowing better' gets more confusing.

    5 years into recovery now and those two words are a lot more distinguishable. I'm not sure if anyone has other thoughts on the matter.

    BethBruce

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