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  1. #1
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    Default Celebrating 15 years of sobriety

    61261680_2893173740723045_4481099947269160960_n.jpg
    That big guy on the left is my monkey mind telling me, "Oh come on, you can have just one drink...."
    My answer these days is always, " Really? Not now, not ever."

    Now I do remember a time when urges seemed like a really big deal. They were no laughing matter. And I white knuckled my way through them as best I could. Or I just gave in, feeling it was all too much to deal with.

    In 2005, after recovering from a night of drinking that ended me up in the ER with a broken ankle, I hobbled around on crutches thinking that my life really sucked and the whole world sucked and how was I supposed to get through life without booze, and I was feeling so ashamed of the reason that I was on crutches...and then I bought a Big Book and started reading it and really couldn't see myself going back to AA. After all, I had already done a stint there for 2 years and in the end didn't feel I had changed in any way, not really. I did enjoy the social life and not waking up with hangovers felt good. But, one day, a guy I had started seeing, a "normie" we called people like him, well, he asked me out for a drink. With no hesitation, I accepted the invitation. And then the years just rolled by and I kept drinking until that night when I broke my ankle.

    It was only a few days later after that fateful night in 2005 that I googled for alternatives to AA. And Smart came into my life. Thankfully, I didn't feel a moment's hesitation about embarking on a journey that was going to really turn my life upside down for a while. I went to meeting after meeting after meeting. I downloaded everything I could and worked the tools to the best of my ability. And I managed to start living sober and even enjoying my newfound sobriety. I must admit though, at the time, I found it hard to imagine that I would actually stay sober 15 months, let alone 15 years.

    And yet, here I am celebrating 15 years, clean and sober. Has it been easy? Hell no. Has it been rewarding? A lot of the time. Fun, yep that too. Terrifying, frustrating, scary, depressing, all of the above. It's been a real mixed bag and sometimes I've wondered how I got through it all. And then I began to understand that I got through it because I chose to get through it.

    But I do have a little secret to share. The real reason I didn't pick up again is not because I have a lot of will power nor is it that I'm stronger or better than anyone else. It's actually because when I use my favorite tool called 'Playing The Tape' and see the movie playing of me throwing away all my hard won sober time, I find it so devastating that I feel like I might not ever recover from it. That one tool has kept me sober more times than I can remember.

    I just want say that I did not get here alone. There were so many Smarties along the way that encouraged me and some who definitely gave me a kick in the butt when I needed it. There were also the dear friends here who helped me grieve over some of the traumatic events that life unexpectedly brought my way. I don't know where I'd be without all the support you gave me.

    So my bottom line is always that I have a choice no matter what life brings on. Living with chronic leukemia during a pandemic is definitely hard to manage. But strangely, there has been a silver lining in it for me. Being closed in for so many months has really brought me face to face with my reality and also caused me to appreciate each breath I take. And I'm grateful that I don't have Covid and that I have a roof over my head, plenty of food on the table, and some really beautiful friendships.

    So, that's it. That's my celebration story. And by the way, if you're feeling like it's all too much and you just can't stop your addictive behavior, think again. It's your choice. You really can do it.

    Best to all of you
    q7

    P.S. If you want to hear the recording of my "Playing The Tape" story called a A Not So Perfect High" go to this link: https://smartrecovery.org/a-not-so-perfect-high-2/
    Last edited by Questor7; August 8, 2020 at 11:36 PM.
    "The central human drama is not wanting the experience we are having"

  2. #2

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    Beautifully written. Congratulations on 15 years!

  3. #3
    Sam29's Avatar
    Sam29 is offline Distance Training Team
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    I too found your post so inspiring Questor, just as you have been for all the years we have know each other. While choice and self-management is key to our recovery, support from like minded people is priceless.

    Love to you always, my friend.

    Sam

  4. #4
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    You're an amazing advocate for choice. I'm so glad you found Smart and continue to contribute. Congrats on your 15 well earned years,

    LOVE & HUGS, James

    P.S. Hope you're doing okay with the conditions in Australia right now.
    I can't always make it better but I don't have to make it any worse.

  5. #5
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    Upstate NY
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    So inspiring, Questor! Congrats on 15 years, wow!

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by IvannaBSober View Post
    Beautifully written. Congratulations on 15 years!
    Thank you for the congrats IvannaBSober. Best to you with your journey of sobriety.

    q7

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam29 View Post
    I too found your post so inspiring Questor, just as you have been for all the years we have know each other. While choice and self-management is key to our recovery, support from like minded people is priceless.

    Love to you always, my friend.

    Sam
    My dear Sam...it is always so precious to hear from you. I hope you are doing during this crazy time we are living in.

    Sending love back to you.

    Kevagne (q7)

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by mh_logic View Post
    So inspiring, Questor! Congrats on 15 years, wow!
    Hi Mh....Wow is what I said when I woke up the other morning and realized 15 years had gone by and I never got high the whole time. Always good to hear from you.

    q7
    "The central human drama is not wanting the experience we are having"

  7. #7
    Join Date
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    'And yet, here I am celebrating 15 years, clean and sober. Has it been easy? Hell no. Has it been rewarding? A lot of the time. Fun, yep that too. Terrifying, frustrating, scary, depressing, all of the above. It's been a real mixed bag and sometimes I've wondered how I got through it all. And then I began to understand that I got through it because I chose to get through it.'

    We call that LIFE in the Tank.

    Super congrats! That is amazing and it is lovely to see your hardwork paying off as this great life you have created amidst your challenges.

    Thank you for posting this!

    Have a great day or at least a crappy sober one!
    “Woe to the thinker who is not the gardener but only the soil of the plants that grow in her”


  8. #8
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    LT, I always love hearing from you. Yes, you're right, it's LIFE in the tank. and you as well, have a great day or least a crappy sober one. That's real and I like the saying.

    Best to you

    q7
    "The central human drama is not wanting the experience we are having"

  9. #9

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    CHOICE...hmmm. Indeed. Questor7 Your post have helped me so very much in the past. Congrats on 15 YEARS,WOW. Hope to hear from you again. Your friend Komoto/ Billy.

  10. #10
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    Komoto, your gentle presence always come through in your words. You too have helped me along this path of sobriety.

    Best to you Billy.

    Kevagne (q7)
    "The central human drama is not wanting the experience we are having"

  11. #11
    Gordon1's Avatar
    Gordon1 is offline SMART Online Facilitator
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    Poetry

    A wonderful journey.

    LOVED the recording
    What got me sober was trying to get sober. Often when I lapsed, picked up, drank, I FELT thoroughly beaten. I thought at that time "there is no hope for me" Yet, when I had recovered from that thought just a little, I thought "I'll have another go!" It was a few little sparks, rather than a flame, that got me here!

  12. #12
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    Always good to hear from you Gordon1. Glad you enjoyed the recording. And I really your words, "It was a few little sparks, rather than a flame, that got me here!" Makes me appreciate all the little steps I take to reach my goals.

    Best to you

    q7
    "The central human drama is not wanting the experience we are having"

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