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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Upland, Ca
    Posts
    414

    Default 7 Years Sober Recently.

    Hi everyone! I recently passed my 7 years mark of being sober and clean. Not once for a millisecond have I regretted getting sober and clean. I was broken, beaten, lacking confidence, self-respect and my dignity. And I did all of that to myself with my drinking and drug use. I don’t know exactly why I was the way I was; or all the reasons, because there are many. And I never will know all the reasons why and that’s ok.

    I was willing to do whatever it took to change my behavior and I was willing to help myself with SMART and change my thinking. I had always gone through life thinking my feelings were always correct and valid. As in I feel like getting an alcohol buzz, it must be good for me. Note: like anyone, I didn’t know how automatic and deep my thoughts, feelings and beliefs were.

    My drinking/drug use was a symptom as much as a root cause of my behavior. Simply stopping drinking/drugs was important, but it took more than that. I learned I really was eat up with immature demands, shoulds and musts. I learned I was essentially an immature person keeping myself outraged over everything and everyone I thought wasn’t the way I thought it should be. I was a savagely judgmental person who was terribly addicted to righteous indignation and putting others down to make myself feel better. I learned I was deeply unhappy with myself, I was defensive, angry, hurt, scared and I really liked being drunk and high.

    I learned I was living a life of lies and excuses for drinking and drugs and everything else. I learned how I had become very skilled at building stories I convinced myself were reality. I learned this quote “We live our truths whether we are honest about them or not.”

    I would like to point out that I slowly faced all my guilt, shame and fears. Hard, but so liberating. And I’d like to also mention that learning to live sober and clean was one thing and it was actually a great experience and far easier than I thought it would be; but learning to live with my past has not been as easy for me. But that is also getting easier as time goes by. Self-forgiveness for me has been and still is, a work in progress. As is forgiving others. Forgiveness of myself, others and situations has never caused me any harm.

    How much negativity and toxic stuff do you put in your body and mind each day? We can’t convince ourselves we can jump off a building and fly no matter how hard we try (Or how high we get). But we can convince ourselves that we are healing, loving, happy, healthy people worthy of good fortune and love when we take action to have these things instead of feeling sorry for ourselves.

    Don’t defeat yourself because something or someone is difficult, annoying, wrong or just the way you don’t think should be.

    Before you diagnose yourself and everyone else as all messed up and the cause of all your problems, pound a bunch a water, eat some healthy food, get some good sleep, stay sober and clean for a while, get some exercise, and turn down all the noise in your mind. Try relaxing some and letting a whole lot of that bad stuff just go. Throw it out of your mind. Listen to some good music. Play with some animals. Read a good book. I am convinced that we let life and others put too much bad stuff in our minds and we also put too much bad stuff in our minds and body. Try reversing that for a bit.

    Keep this in mind: It’s probably good to have many life tools and life options for life’s many situations. Life is full of many situations. We often of try to apply a behavior that worked for one situation to another. That’s ok if the behavior/life tool you apply works. If it doesn’t, use another. Sometimes we only need one tool. Sometimes we need hammers, pliers, screwdrivers, wrenches, glue, etc. SMART has a great tool box. Pick some up and go to work on building yourself some better life thinking skills.

    I doubt if you’ll ever regret learning the SMART tools and applying them in your life situations.

    Good luck and best.

    MT Massey
    Last edited by MTMassey; March 31, 2020 at 6:24 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Nebraska, USA
    Posts
    123

    Default

    What a great message! I, too, am approaching an anniversary of sobriety that I had once doubted I would ever see ( 8 years?!) and that, plus the quiet time of the COVID sequester, has me reflecting.

    You have expressed so much that I can recognize in myself -- at least my *former* self. I continue to use various SMART tools in daily life, to seriously and rationally contemplate decisions on all sorts of matters. It is now a way of life. I'm happier with myself and therefore the world around me. I am physically healthier. I am emotionally more centered and satisfied. I'm no longer seeking assurance from the outside world as to my worthiness to exist. You have come a long way, sir. I am proud we have both found this reality.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Upland, Ca
    Posts
    414

    Default

    Thanks and best always to you.

    "You don’t want to beat yourself up for beating yourself up in the vain hope that it will somehow make you stop beating yourself up." – Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

  4. #4
    Sobermum's Avatar
    Sobermum is online now SMART Online Facilitator
    SMART Chat Volunteer
    SMART Face fo Face Facilitator
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Altadena, CA
    Posts
    588

    Default

    Hello Mike and big congratulations from me!
    I will always appreciate you training me to be an online facilitator and I made a friend. It changed my life when I found this program. You put up with the anxious person I can be and I loved your meetings way back when!
    All the best to you and yours.
    Stay safe.
    I changed my mind and my life.

  5. #5
    Moderator JvB's Avatar
    Moderator JvB is offline SMART Super Moderator
    SMART Online Leadership Team
    Former SMART SROL Exec Director
    Former SMART Online Facilitator
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    1,112

    Default

    Hi Mike,

    Great to hear from you.

    JvB

    Congratulations2.jpg
    "Take an optimistic rather than pessimistic view on yourself and your future - as long as you do not take to unrealistic extremes." Albert Ellis

  6. #6

    Default

    Awesome thanks!

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