Two years sober and my 1 year SMART anniversary
Two years ago I had my last drink/drunk. At that time I was drinking a bottle of cheap vodka a day. This was the result of a long term progression that began many years ago. I had a few intervals with recovery before then. In my early 20s I thought I might have had a problem so I went to a few adult children of alcoholics meetings and stopped drinking for a few months. Then when I was 27 the problem had gotten bad again and I was able to quit for 3 years. When I was 30 I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. That was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. :brI was really free to be who I was and I wasn’t even addicted to alcohol at that time.
I thought the gay scene was only at the bars, so back to drinking I went. I remember thinking that my problem wasn’t really alcohol, it that I had suppressed my sexuality all those years. That turned out to be an irrational belief. Another dozen or so years of partying and a series of failed relationships later I finally decided to quit for good. I told the Dr about my problem. Campral worked for a while but I returned to drinking. I began a relationship with a guy a really liked and tried to hide my drinking from him. That was unsuccessful and I was given the ultimatum to control my drinking or we would be over. Knowing that I am not able to control alcohol, the only choice would be abstinence. I managed to quit when he moved in with me starting the summer of 2012. There would be no way to hide it with him around all the time. The only thing I knew to do was go to AA. There’s a meeting right by my office during lunch, so very convenient. Each AA group has its own personality. This one is known as a very traditional big book thumper group. I threw myself into it as best as I could, however I am an atheist and AA is a spiritual program. Years ago when I was going to AA in my 20s I remember getting so bitter when it came to the spirituality issues. That anger drove me away from the program then, and it drove me away about a year ago. So I did some searching for alternative AA programs after I got my 1 year chip.
:DEI am so glad I discovered SMART! :DEAnother weight was lifted off my shoulders! I am not this flawed morally bankrupt person who is powerless to help himself. I have power and I can make choices. I got the SMART workbook and worked my way through it. I got into SMART already 1 year sober which is different from most who come here in the contemplation phase. I had the luxury of not dealing with withdrawals and cravings. I felt like a kid in a candy store going through the SROL website. I’ve done chat and some online meetings. I’ve also gone to F2F meetings. The daily check-ins for me have been where I am the most consistent. I check in a few days per week. This is where I can vent whatever issues I have going on and get such wonderful feedback. At my stage in recovery I really do need my progress to be checked regularly. When I start to go off course I usually realize it while I am typing my check in. I will also get feedback from others. And the tools - particularly the ABC - are useful in changing the irrational beliefs.
The relationship with my partner has improved greatly. I’ve lost a lot of weight, exercise regularly and feel a lot better. I’m currently developing various VACIs (vitally absorbing creative interests). I have strong interests in science and the arts. I’ve picked the cello again,and I’m trying to learn about the quantum mechanics which describe the universe. There’s no telling where my VACIs will take me. I finally understand the importance now of a VACI. The love and passion for the VACIs need to be greater than my love for alcohol - which was very great.
Many thanks to everyone in SMART who has helped me. In return, I hope to try to be helpful to SMART in the future. :cool:
