I remember a post from (I think) LMR555 when I first joined SROL in 2015. She said something along the lines of my life is no longer consumed with the thought of not drinking. At this point, drinking is simply something I no longer do. This was an incredible statement to ponder for a 30+ year drunk who absolutely could not seem to make it home without stopping for booze.
When I took that first step July 16, 2015; I began by diving in to the SMART handbook, the REBT tools, the articles/essays on SROL, and exploring SROL posts; absorbing the wisdom and folly of others. I replaced the time I spent drinking with time spent working those tools and posting on SMART; eventually at 6 months of abstinence volunteering and working with the bravest of us all: the 7-dayers.
Over time with bricks made from the disputing of irrational beliefs, the creation of beliefs inline with my values and healthy new goals, the stories of other Smarties I admired and my developing urge resistance and self-control skills, I created a life, a new life outside of the bottle and the activities of this new life began, moment by moment, to replace much of the time I spent on SMART.
When I first began this journey five years ago, I subscribed to three commitments:
-Learning as much as I could about REBT and practicing the techniques
-Knowing deeply that no person, situation, or feeling ever had the power to MAKE me drink
-Remembering even on the difficult days that I am not becoming abstinent to be happy
At this point, I would add additional commitments:
-Acknowledging that life makes no promise to be fair or pleasant, only to return each day until it no longer does
-Maintaining a place of compassion within me for myself and other travelers and the mistakes we are bound to make and the unkindnesses we will occasionally bring upon each other
I think of my abstinence in many ways as I do of my marriage to Lobster (13 years coming up). The drive for companionship sent us in search of each other and our hormones ignited our attraction. (Willpower) But it required our commitment to the relationship and hardwork to get us to where we are so far. (REBT tools, Developed skills) And it will require a love founded in realism to keep us going. (USA, UOA, Perceptions/Expectations)
Without my commitments, the REBT tools, my own hardwork, and my decision to become a SMART volunteer; I do not know IF I would still be abstinent at all or if my abstinence would be as strong.
But here I am and it is so much more than I dared hope for that night five years ago.
...my life is no longer consumed with the thought of not drinking. At this point, drinking is simply something I no longer do...
I have a full life, full enough for me, now outside of the bottle and don't spend even a fraction of time on SMART as I used to. At times I begin to regret that but then I recall the SMART mission statement:
To empower people to achieve independence from addiction problems with our science-based 4-Point Program.
Where other programs (NO BASHING HERE) state that turning your attention elsewhere is a symptom of relapse, SMART states that it can be a symptom of SUCCESS.
It is possible to graduate from SMART.
What a strange concept that was for me.
-to no longer be consumed by feelings of shame, guilt, regret, and self-doubt
-to no longer believe in the concept of automatic or unconscious actions
-to no longer not know what I might do later today, tomorrow, or the next day
-to no longer be tied to, limited by, and identified with my bullsh\tter; the armless, legless, unconscious, powerless piece of my primitive brain that would ride my back straight into hell simply to continue the pursuit of its one and only mandate: ...drink....drink...drink...drink...
-to no longer be simply a drunk
Even though I no longer monitor a thread such as that amazing 7 day daily check in, I have chosen not to graduate and I do read a bit of SROL each day. It helps me stay close to where and who I was on July 15, 2015 and the 11,000 days before it when my life was define and directed by the planning of, engaging in, and physical recovery from over-imbibing.
My bullsh\tter is not, nor may it ever be, gone after all and a series of unmonitored and relentless niggling could crack that foundation I have built and reinforced. Continuing to engage with each of you as you build your own abstinences keeps me mindful and on track.
Each of you Smarties helped me save my life, you know and that is a debt I will never be able to fully repay. It is a gratitude that has rebuilt my marriage, my career, and all my days to come.
...my life is no longer consumed with the thought of not drinking. At this point, drinking is simply something I no longer do...
How far away do those words feel from the reality of your life? I promise if you commit the same amount of time, energy, and focus to learning and using the REBT tools as you did to fulfilling your bullsh\tter's mandate...
They are closer than you think.
Have a great day or at least a crappy sober one!
:))
