March 7, 2020, 1 year alcohol-free!

Wow! I knew I was getting close to my one year anniversary, so I signed in and saw TODAY was the day! One year ago, I parked my car in a neighborhood near work, feeling like poop warmed over and absolutely dreading another work day. I decided I needed to change. I had tried other online venues, but Smart was where I settled. <3. I am so grateful for this community!

I joined the meetings ... everyday, sometimes two a day. I read the forum and people's stories. I worked the tools. I practiced identifying irrational thoughts -- a lot. I sat with my cravings and reached out for support here. I ignored the guilt of being occupied on the computer instead of being with my daughter ... (ie: sitting on the couch / drinking beer). In retrospect, I can acknowledge how skewed my thoughts were and how I was literally "sick and tired". I firmly believe, that in order to heal we need others to light the path for us, and we have to do the big work and the subtle work.

It took longer than I thought to get my life on track. Quitting drinking was only the tip of the iceberg. I was clinically depressed and exhausted. I was overweight and so low in self esteem that eye contact had became difficult for me. But I faked it well ... good job, happy demeanor, sweet kids. But on the inside I was seething with anger and discontent.

I thought I would die of anxiety during my first smart online meeting, but I started to look forward to them after that. I saw familiar faces and was moved by how open others were in the meetings. I realized I wasn't alone. I realized that suffering and hardship was not exclusive to me. I gained strength from this type of unabashed honesty and when I was honest, I was met with support. This was a life changer for me.

I am still a work in progress. Taking care of myself became a priority. My doctor and Massage Therapist are my best friends - lol. My routine now is pretty boring - lol. I have a regular wake-sleep routine, do homework and watch TV with my kid, I wash clothes and vacuum, go to work 5 days a week and look forward to weekends. I got a DOG!! Everyone told me not to do it, but I did it anyway, and I love him. I lost 30 pounds and take way less Advil. I'm 3 blankets and a trough of potholders into my crochet. I stopped gardening and stopped making meals so complicated because it was wearing me out. I still don't socialize much -- all of this ... I used to guilt trip myself over, but I realize that my natural sense of being is introspective and simple. That being a single mom, managing a household and job is alot for anyone to deal with and it is OKAY! It is OK that I prefer to have quiet. It's ok to have simple meals. It is OK that I prefer not to drink and be in bed at a reasonable hour. It is OK to be a work in progress, because whether we know it or not, every human being is just that .... there is no end game to life, except death. I am not perfect, but I acknowledge my personal challenges and make healthy strides.

In retrospect, the normalcy and glorification of alcohol and drug use in our culture is shocking to me. As is the prevalence of trauma, abuse, PTS, depression, grief, sadness, evil. If you are reading this, I wish for you to fully embrace your inalienable right as a human being to be alive, really alive, to be happy, daring, and to flick your middle finger towards the people who try to shut you down.

I will never go back to it. Never.

Many blessings, Lori

Congratulations and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Beautiful post and congrats on 1 year!

Congratulations! You’re so strong and made it through!

You did the work and it sounds like you're enjoying the results now. Congratulations!

Thanks for sharing that is a truly awesome post

Congratulations!! Keep up the good work!!

Congratulations! We have something in common. March 13th was my one year sobriety anniversary. I received my one year token from AA meetings at South Bay Pioneers. I bought three cakes and paper plates and forks. There were about 50 participants, some newcomers. It was a beautiful emotional event. I was introduced by one of the sponsors and felt everyone's love and support. I enjoy attending AA meetings in person but with my delicate health the doctors requested that I stay away from groups of people. I am awaiting a liver organ transplant due to liver cirrhosis. I will never go back to drinking, it is not worth it. My heavy drinking began when I lost my sister one year and a half ago, her death was unexpected and everyone was in shock to learn of her sudden passing away. I was in a great depression and felt like I did not want to live anymore. I regret drinking and causing my family to worry about me. Drinking is destructive. Again, I understand your struggle and we are not alone. Always reach out to people willing to help. There are so many positive ways to overcome come grief. Just remember, we are not alone. Congrats!

That was amazingly beautiful! I really am at the beginning of my journey and I identified with much of what you talked about.

obviously, you posted your comments on a smart recovery board, but you mentioned participating in aa. im curious, are you doing a hybrid program integrating aa and smart? is one more beneficial than the other? do you attribute your sobriety more to smart, to aa or to something else?

If you can stay away from drinking that long you should be able to resist going back.