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Exchange Vocabulary
(c) By: Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.d.
Upset feelings are usually caused by
the way we are thinking about what is happening, not the events
themselves. To change your feelings (and your behavior), try the
following "exchange vocabulary." This idea was given to me by a
client, who related it to an exchange list for unhealthy foods. When
you first try this new way of thinking, it might not feel right. The
more you do it, however, the more natural these realistic beliefs
will become. I think you will like the results, but prove it for
yourself by giving it a fair try. Good luck'
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Word Exchange Table
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Instead of thinking: |
Try thinking: |
|
Must |
Prefer |
|
Should |
Choose To |
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Have To |
Want |
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Can't |
Choose Not To |
|
Ought |
Had
Better |
|
All
|
Many |
|
Always |
Often |
|
Can't Stand |
Don't Like |
|
Awful |
Highly Undesirable |
|
Bad
Person |
Bad
Behavior |
|
I
am a Failure |
I
Failed At |
Statements:
|
Instead of Saying: |
Exchange With: |
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I
have to do well. |
I
want to do well. |
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You
shouldn't do that. |
I
prefer you not do that. |
|
You
never help me. |
You
rarely help me. |
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I
can't stand my job. |
I
don't like my job. |
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You
are a bad boy. |
That behavior is undesirable. |
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I'm
a loser. |
I
failed at this one task. |
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I
need love. |
I
want love, but don't need it. |
Emotional Vocabulary Exchange
REBT does not endeavor to eliminate emotions. Quite to the contrary!
Emotions are very useful and part of the human advantage --- When
Appropriate!
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Instead of Saying: |
Exchange With: |
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Anxious |
Concerned |
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Depressed |
Sad
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Angry |
Annoyed |
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Guilt |
Remorse |
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Shame |
Regret |
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Hurt |
Disappointed |
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Jealous |
Concern for my relationship |
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Self Management and Recovery Training |
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