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Common Self-Defeating Attitudes and
Fears
1. "It would be terrible to be rejected, abandoned, or alone. I must have
love and approval
before I can feel good about myself."
2. "If someone criticizes me, it means there's something wrong with me."
3. "1 must always please people and live up to everyone's expectations."
4. "I am basically defective and inferior to other people."
5. "Older people are to blame for my problems."
6. "The world should always meet my expectations."
7. 'Other people should always meet my expectations."
8. "If I worry or feel bad about a situation, it will somehow make things
better. lt's not really safe to feel happy and optimistic."
9. "I'm hopeless and bound to feel depressed forever because the problems
in my life are impossible to solve."
10. "I must always be perfect." There are several kinds of perfectionism
that can make you unhappy.
Moralistic perfectionism: 'I must not forgive myself if I have fallen
short of any goal or personal standard."
Performance perfectionism: To be a worthwhile person. I must be a great
success at everything I do."
Identity perfectionism: "People will never accept me as a flawed and
vulnerable human being."
Emotional perfectionism: "I must always try to be happy. I must control my
negative emotions and never feel anxious or depressed."
Romantic perfectionism: "People who love each other should never fight or
feel angry with each other."
Relationship perfectionism: "People who love each other should never light
or feel angry with each other."
Sexual perfectionism: Men may believe "I should always have full and
sustained erections. It's shameful and unmanly if I have an episode of
impotence or cum too quickly." Women may believe "I should always achieve
orgasm or multiple orgasms."
Appearance perfectionism: 'l look ugly because I'm slightly overweight (or
have heavy thighs or a facial blemish)."
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