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How to get "SELF-CONTROL"
Over the urges and cravings of a bad habit
Self-control is what you build up, develop, create and learn by
controlling your behavior repeatedly. We should regard self-control as a
skill. It is not a character trait or a thing you have to have that lets
you control your behavior. (or a thing that not having it prevents you
from doing so.) If someone says, "I have no self-control over my drinking
or drugging, or eating sweets or whatever," it might be asked, "Are you
well practiced at resisting your urges or opportunities to use or to
overeat the wrong things?" The answer would likely be, "No." This person
is well practiced at giving in to those urges and opportunities to use.
(No criticism from me! I did this for years and years.)
Getting control over your urges and opportunities is like getting control
over a bicycle or roller skates or anything else. You're not going to
start out as an expert. You will get control of it only by forcing
yourself at first to act differently than you feel! (It looks like the
bike should fall over.) And it may feel very difficult or strange. But by
practicing over and over, you learn to ride the bike! So the reason people
correctly "feel" that they don't have self-control is because they haven't
been practicing what would give it to them. In this case, the skill is in
resisting urges or opportunities to use.
Along with other related strategies, at SMART RecoveryŽ we learn how to
stall, distract and resist those urges. If sometimes we don't succeed, we
keep trying and resist discouragement, like getting back on the bike if we
tumbled! Those who do practice resisting urges, after a while report that
it becomes easier and easier to continue. They have been exercising and
building their self-control and now have begun to show a fair amount of
skill. In every day language, thinking that you must first have "self
control" before you can acquire a change in your behavior is "putting the
cart before the horse."
In one famous study, children were left with a candy bar and told that if
they didn't eat it they would get two candy bars. The children who
resisted the temptation while alone were secretly observed using verbal
self-reminders and distracting activities. Children who didn't resist were
later able to do so after being taught new strategies for better self-
control. Things like learning that urges are time-limited, and they will
crest and subside if we stall and divert the thoughts to something else.
We practice doing this in our group meetings to help you be prepared for
when you are tempted.
At SMART RecoveryŽ we have a "toolbox" of proven techniques. Learning
about what self-control really is, and using it to deal successfully with
an undesired habit is an important example of a "tool". We hope this
knowledge gives you new insight about ways and means you can utilize to
overcome problems, even very difficult ones like dependence on or misuse
of substances.
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