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Abstinence vs. Moderation
This word "abstinence" can be an intimidating word to many, especially
those in the early stages of recovery. Your whole body may convulse
saying, "I'll do anything, just don't ask me or tell me that I have to
stop forever." This is normal. If this is how you feel, commit yourself to
being open to new ideals and beliefs that may result in a healthier and
more fulfilling lifestyle. Here are some answers to your questions.
Why abstinence? What we know is that after one has developed a severe
addiction, the simplest, easiest, safest and surest way to keep from
repeating past behaviors is total abstinence. This is not to say one may
not go thorough a period of "day at a time," or "week at a time," or even
try a "harm reduction" approach. Still, if you want the easiest way to
minimize the problems in your life, go for abstinence eventually. It
actually is much easier to just give it up entirely than punish yourself
trying to moderate or control your addictive behavior. Studies have shown
that regardless of the method employed to become sober, the number one
factor for sobriety success is a permanent commitment to discontinue use
permanently; a commitment to abstinence.
When will I be ready? Some of you are ready right now. You have
experienced enough consequences in your life that no one needs to tell you
that you are fed up with your addictive behavior. You just need some tools
to help you. If you are just starting your recovery program it may take
time to make a decision on a commitment to abstinence before it is really
firm in your heart. It needs to be something that you are really committed
to and not just something you would like to do. Stick with the program and
let the decision build in your heart. When you are ready, you'll know it.
Is abstinence the only way? Studies have shown that in some cultures there
are a small percentage of people who can return to moderate drinking.
Still, the chance of being successful is unclear. Attempts at moderation
may not be worth the effort or the risk when considering the consequences.
If your own life has been a mess because of your addictive behavior, why
chance it? What has the empirical evidence in your own life been? Have you
tried to moderate and not been successful? Then that's your answer.
Abstinence may not be a realistic solution with some addictions, such as
eating and in some cases sexual addictions. For these addictions
moderation is the prescribed course of action. Even in these instances
commitment to moderation is an important factor for success.
How do I make the commitment? First of all, as mentioned earlier, don't
make a commitment until you are firm in your path to sobriety. Second,
realize a commitment to sobriety is not a commitment to be forever
perfect. Before you consider that to be a SMART RecoveryŽ
license to relapse, it is not. The reality for alcohol addictions, for
example, is that people have an average of two and a half relapses in
their ultimate turn to permanent sobriety. Many never have a relapse and
that can be you. A commitment to sobriety means that you are committed to
a course of action, understanding that it is not an easy task and one that
takes a great deal of patience, persistence and practice. You may be
tempted and many succumb to the urges. We are not perfect beings, we are
fallible and breaking a commitment is not the same as giving up on one. A
permanent commitment means we are committed to a course of action for the
future and we will do every thing in our power to fulfill and maintain
that commitment.
What if I lapse or relapse? Learn from it and don't beat yourself up. Ask
what events led up to the lapse/relapse. Ask yourself what were the
excuses you gave yourself to use and dispute them. Your commitment isn't
broken and you can renew your resolve. If you do slip, the outcome does
not have to be an experience without worth, it can be a powerful learning
experience. It does not mean that you will repeat this behavior in the
future. Forgive yourself, learn from it and remember that a commitment
applies to what we plan for the future.
When you are ready, say to yourself, "I am not going to use again!"
Reinforce that commitment in any way possible and rational. One of the
best ways is to remember why you are making the commitment. The
consequences of using should be remembered, not with a guilty conscience,
but in a realistic portrayal of why you have chosen sobriety. The
addictive behavior just is not worth it anymore! Also to be remembered are
the experiences and feelings that come from abstinence. A balance of both
experiences has proven to be a powerful tool.
What can I expect? If you continue to use, your past may dictate your
outcome. A permanent commitment to abstinence means we no longer have to
fight a battle with moderation; but rather devote ourselves to sobriety
permanently. Ours is a "no excuses" program, we are responsible for our
decisions and behaviors; we have a choice. There is a feeling of freedom
that results from this commitment where one does not feel hopeless or
without choices. You know what our commitment is. Combined with a
consistent and aggressive disputing of urges to use, most find their
messages to use either decrease to nothing or become infrequent and easily
handled. It may not be easy to see now, but your life can be restored to
where you are in control, your addiction and the urges will recede to an
unpleasant memory. You don't have to live in a constant battle with these
painful, nagging urges.
Will the urges go away forever? Possibly, but one will benefit from being
on guard for them, as they can reappear years later. Be ever vigilant, but
ever hopeful and know that you can control your outcome; the choice is
yours.
Originally authored by Michael Werner
Redefined by a SMART RecoveryŽ participant
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